Running Away Again
by Narya's Bane
Summary: Ideas from AC Crispin's HST and a new song Han's real thoughts as Fett talks at the end of Rebel Dawn.


Just a warning before you continue reading: this is my first real story based on a song, but I want to try it because I am starting on a project I plan to do using song inspired scenes; so please r/r, even if you don't like it.  
  
And, of course, the normal. Han and Bria, as well as their relationship, do not belong to me: they are Crispin and Lucas' characters. The song "Running Away" also is not mine; it belongs to Hoobastank ((sp??)).  
  
Well- enjoy!  
  
Running Away Again  
  
Han sat down in the Tatooine bar, still not sure what he was going to do next. After that raid on Ylesia, it should have been easy; they were supposed to be richer than he'd ever dreamed, not feeling like some sort of low-life criminal- which he was. But that was besides the point; he was supposed to be purchasing new parts for the Falcon and preparing to tour the galaxy in comfort in style, with his best friend at one side and his best girl at the other. . .  
  
Instead, Bria had chosen to run back to the Alliance, dumping him and leaving his friends hating him for leading them into a bum deal. Couldn't she have at least told him? Not that he necessarily felt she should have left the alliance for him (though that would have been preferable), but if he'd known he could have stood by her (if he wanted to. . .). She had to have action- but Han could have given her that.  
  
Han had received her apology, and her pity. But he didn't want that. He wanted her. And not that rebel member he'd been shunned by; he wanted the woman he'd fallen for long ago. The one who had left before, deciding they didn't have a chance for happiness together. That decision, he now understood, was likely for the best. It had made him stronger. He didn't need a woman, much less Bria, to assure him. Still, it would have been nice not to be lonely anymore. A wookiee was hardly good company on a constant basis. Why had she thrown it away, again leaving him out of the loop that would make him choose his own road?  
  
//I don't want you to give it all up-  
  
and leave your own life collecting dust.  
  
and I don't want you to feel sorry for me;  
  
you never gave us a chance to be-  
  
And I don't need you to be by my side  
  
and tell me that everything's all right;  
  
I just wanted you to tell me the truth-  
  
you know I'd do that for you!//  
  
  
  
Bria. Just thinking about her still confused Han. He knew, by now, he ought to hate her completely. So why couldn't he force himself to believe this was all her fault? Somehow, whenever he thought about what she'd done here, he went back to that image of her on the way back from Ylesia: curled up, scared, unable to fight her own body. Even after constant displays of affection and support, she'd found solace only in herself, in commanding her destiny. It had taken years for Han to understand why she'd had to leave him on Coruscant the first time, and right now it seemed impossible for him to forgive her running out a second time. . .  
  
//So why are you running away?  
  
Why are you running away?  
  
I did enough to show you that I  
  
was willing to give and sacrifice;  
  
and I was the one who was lifting you up  
  
when you thought your life had had enough.  
  
and when I get close you turn away,  
  
there's nothing that I can do or say-  
  
so now I need you to tell me the truth  
  
you know I'd do that for you!//  
  
  
  
Bria herself had always seemed confused about the part she played in Han's life, and it hurt him in the days they'd spent together to know how much she still loved him. But even so, she'd gone and done something to show him what she really thought of him. . .  
  
No. Who was Han kidding? That hadn't been her choice, not now. This was her honor, her life. She'd bound herself to fighting the evil of the galaxy. And hadn't Han, for a price, agreed to help her in that endeavor?  
  
The question haunted him: was it her ideals, or his bullheadedness, that had forced them apart this time? He could have changed her mind- or he could have changed his. . .  
  
"Bartender? Can I get another? Just straight alcohol, please."  
  
//So why are you running away?  
  
Why are you running away?  
  
Is it me? Is it you?  
  
nothing that I can do  
  
to make you change your mind.//  
  
  
  
Han wandered over to a sabaac game, realizing he didn't want to be alone with his own thoughts. There were friends here, but even they talked only of the Ylesian raid. Couldn't anyone think of something else? Something not making him question if he'd done the right thing?  
  
//Is it me? Is it you?  
  
Nothing that I can do-  
  
is it a waste of time?  
  
Is it me? Is it you?  
  
nothing that I can do  
  
to make you change your mind.//  
  
  
  
A chadra fan appeared, talking to Han in a low tone. Unwilling to translate, he started by ignoring her. Than a friend told him the answer, and Han followed the direction to go outside. . .  
  
Boba Fett was waiting, but he was very serene somehow; not out for money. After he explained he wanted to talk, Han was only too happy to listen.  
  
"She's dead," were the first words that really went into Han's mind. After that, nothing Fett said mattered until Han knew if his suspicions were correct. . .  
  
"Dead? Bria?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
So that was what running had gotten her? Then Han knew- she hadn't been the one running. He was. From love, from life- from duty. Well, that was just fine. He would keep running.  
  
Like her.  
  
//So why are you running away?  
  
why are you running away?  
  
(what is it I have to say?)  
  
so why are you running away (to make you admit you're afraid)  
  
why are you running away?// 


End file.
